My alcoholism - My first six days at the rehab center - Part eleven

My first day was the only day of bad being. I was totally confused, and i lost my basic cerebral function, i was doing a "delirum tremens", that's the words used in alcoholism for severe confusion cause by alcohol. I didn't remember where i was, what was my name, and a lot of basic knowledge that i completely forgot.

I saw a medical specialist and he said that i must go to the hospital. I was accompanied by a person who worked at the rehab center and we went to the emergency part of the hospital. I lived there a big disappointment. I wait 6 hours to see a doctor and heard that this was the result of prejudice against alcoholics. We are perceived as low mind persons.

I got my medication and that was the beginning of my physical detox (i use deintoxincation in the video sorry about the mistake) who went on during six days.

That was an easy part. The next days, where I've been treated for the emotional and psychological aspect of alcoholism was harder. But i will always say that the 60 days that i spend at this rehab center was the most happiest days since 10 years of non sober alcoholism.
I will talk about it during the next videos.

My alcoholism - The end of darkness and the begining of a new life - Part ten

I've been talking a lot about my drinking problems, my patterns, my ways to be, and what i was living during these days, these months, these years where at the end, i was in a living hell. Now, i can say, without being pretentious, what it is to suffer from alcohol.

The better decision that i made in my life was to go to this fabulous rehab center.
Finally, i expose some issues about drinking, and living in the shadows of our sadness cause by alcohol. There's always a way to get out of this life of lies with ourselves and with other people.

I introduce my rehab decision and the next videos will focus on this time i'll never forget in the place where i cured myself.

My alcoholism - How far i've been playing with my life - Part nine

I forgot to mention that just some months before going to the rehab center, i had a small heart attack in December of the year precedent year.

I was very very anxious, i felt like dying but as the time went one, i calm myself.

During the evening, my father who is a doctor came to the hospital. He talk with my doctor and both of them went near my bed. My doctor said to myself "Mr. Hallé, you have a severe alcoholism problem and if you keep on living like you do, i give you less than a year of life.

But, it sound so stupid now that i'm sober, even if i was severely advised by the doctor, my only thought was to get a 12 beers box when i'll get out the hospital.

That's how far my alcoholism went. This was ridiculous, but it told of sick i was even in my own soul, spirit, and consciousness.

My alcoholism - and there were a miracle - Part eight

As i said in the video, may be i'll be perceived as a fool by some person, but i don't care cause it happened for real.

There were this particular winter night where i was standing on the outside stairway of the chapel i use to go, and thousand and thousand leafs fall on me.

I was so surprised and at the same time i tried to understand what was going on.

The day after, a friend of mine came to my place with a brochure about a rehab center. I wondered : This is a sign, this is my last chance.

I went to that place and i met the the director of this rehab center. He said to me that i would never had the courage to come at this place for my sobriety.

He was completely wrong.

4 days later i was ready to go to this place. That's what i did.

My alcoholism - The loneliness and this chapel i had - Part seven

There's been a time where i wanted to be all alone. That's what my friends did, they live me alone but for many time ?

I was not the one who was deciding, and my loneliness was absolutely there. I was all alone with my bottles of beer. My life was drowning.

But i had just something who give me hope, that was this chapel of an abandoned abbey who was at 20 minutes of walk from where i lived.

I've been there 7 days a week, every night, and there were nothing who could stop me getting there, cold time, tempest, snow, rain, wind, anything, i was there.

For one month i took this same old walk, and sitting on the front of this chapel, i was asking god, the universe, a superior power, angel, anything from this spiritual side who reside in me was good enough to ear my tears, and my hope of getting out of this hell.

This is what i tell in this video.

My alcoholism - Becoming the saddest image of myself - Part six

After trying several ways to stop alcohol, i said to myself, "nothing work, so i"'ll drink till death".

I was losing myself. One of my friend ask me to go with her at a Alcoholic
anonymous meeting, and i hate it so much that i didn't want to go to any kind of helping group like that.

I was with my girlfriend during that time, and i told her that it was better for her to go back at her apartment (we use to have separated appartment) cause she became to be in the hell i was living. I didn't want to be in this hell, so we broke up in tears. But for me it was a way to respect her.

It was the begining of an end. I was a very suffering man, but alcohol was still obssessing myself so this is one the sadest part of my life that i talk about in this video.

My alcoholism - My first unsuccessful tries to quit alcohol - Part five

To escape the rehab option, i tried many ways of quitting alcohol. But i was working on the physical aspect, which is not the biggest part of the problem.

The biggest part of alcoholism is emotional, not physical.

But i was so self-centered, so selfish, that i thought that i was the one who had the best options to stop drinking but i was totally wrong.

That's what this video is all about. This period of time of trying to stop alcohol by myself. It's been an error in my being.

My alcoholism - The fear of myself - Part four

I was the shadow of myself, and knowing that i completly lost control over my drinking problem, i began to be afraid of my own person. It was worst during vacation, cause i knew that i was going to drink all day long, 7 days a week.

This was the begining of an hell i was creating with this substance obsession. This was also a face to face with the person i began to be, and this is what i'm talking about in this video.

My alcoholism - Living under the shadow of lies - Part three

Having a life where i had to cope with a drinking problem, in society, at work, in my family, and in a lot of social situation, i was showing myself as a stable person, someone who lived a normal life wich it was not the case.

Even if i felt comfortable with the way i was drinking at that time, i couldn't fight these constant emotions that i was lying to myself as i was lying to other in my life. There were a dark side of me that i didn't want to expose and it was my alcoholism.

I was living under the shadow of lies even if i tried to deny it, it was impossible to deny it like i used to do for many other aspects of my life. That's what this video is all about.

My alcoholism - The begining of my alcoholism - Part two

I talk about the first days of my alcoholism, and the facts who were the anticipation of an emerging alcoholism that i have in myself, but that i didn't know about.
The first years of these lies that i gave to myself, as i was lying to others about this drinking problem that i had.